Pinned toot

modern agriculture: everyday I pour 10 trillion gallons of water all over my shitty almond trees I grow in the fucking desert. everyone around me’s wells are dry, but I am wet & choked by algae
me: let’s not do this
modern agriculture: arrest this nerd and give me a tax subsidy

just found out what "Boy Moms" are and i am deeply disappointed

i'm dying at the new servant being a Heian period shitposting poet who dabs in her extra attack

‪I fumbled a razor, and in a mad dash to catch it before it fell, and instinctively leaning down to look closer, I knocked it into my face cutting my nose ‬

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‪just injured myself in a cartoonishly dumb way ‬

also you ever watch an anime and the end sequence is just one of the alleged side characters sobbing and you feel like this is spoiling the direction of the series

‪rebooting MKULTRA as a wellness retreat startup and I’ve already been Venmo’ed $2 billion in VC money ‬

‪getting my italian girlfriend a bouquet of san marzano tomatoes ‬

‪everyone’s entitled to one free chocolate donut from me today, Happy Valentines Day ‬

‪some tourists asked me where the Wall St Bull was and when I pointed at Broadway he said “no it’s here”, you’re the lost person not me ‬

‪I’ve been posting a lot about femboys and airplanes recently ‬

Elizabeth Warren eats a normal number of eggs each day

‪the real reason Ace Combat Assault Horizon failed was not enough of the main guys were smooching each other, CoD but airplanes and gay would sell great imo ‬


‪just realized I read “Forgotten Ally”, about China’s WWII history in between two volumes of “Sexiled”, a Japanese light novel about punching sexism in a fantasy world‬

congrats to all my 🦑 out there, onto the hard work of Nevada and South Carolina

‪Andrew Yang at least did not make me feel immediate disgust upon seeing him unlike Bloomberg, Klobuchar, and Buttigieg ‬

‪there are government programs and agencies in place to prevent you from developing your mind’s eye, like the National Firearms Act and the ATF ‬

one weird trick to have a credit score of +/- 2147483648, economists hate it

‪*pulls out switchblade* your cummie or your life‬

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