Femmotional @Gaynebula@girlcock.club

I'm hot

Today has been absolute hell. I was supposed to see off a friend today with a lovely meal, I was gonna treat him to it seeing as he's done so much nice stuff for me. Instead, we both got food poisoning from a takeaway, and I alternated between being a hosepipe at both ends and bawling my eyes out about him leaving.

I'm ill, I'm exhausted, I'm dejected, I'm miserable and I need attention to get me through ❤️

There's no such thing as a 'tactical' vote for libdems. They will 'tactically' side with fascists before their stated values.

Anyways I'm hot

I went back on SSRIs to fight it. Which is terrifying.

This will be my 3rd run with them. I'm hoping the side effects will be less hellish than they have been. I find the main thing they did for me is increase my resilience, so if I can stay on them without them fucking me over they could improve my mental health massively.

Still... They've been deeply unpleasant, and I hope that will change this time.

Following someone close to me violating my consent, my generalised anxiety is back. It's a contender for my most hated condition.

GAD can't be CBT-ed away. It sneaks in on the back of any agitating moment, and never goes away.

Not hyperbole. Never. It takes weeks, months or years, and during that time it's *constant*. I get little to no respite.

I pushed it into remission a while ago but it's back. Wish I had answers.

There were like 12 Lego games on humble bundle so I think I know what I'm doing with my day 😊

I think I just figured out what bugs me about 'You're so brave!'

It's something cis people say in lieu of thinking about the viciousness trans people go through at their hands.

It's a cop out. It's an excuse to continue to be 'impressed' at our 'spectacle' rather than considering how fucked up it is that we have to fight the ways we do, or take responsibility in the form of real allyship.

It's the flip side of the pity coin. It's alienating and foul.

Think I'm not as active here because I actually have a healthy relationship with this site, and only really post when I care about something enough to do so

Whereas I'm 24/7 on FB because it's basically just a relentless bombardment with conflict, stripped of any meaningful resolution, so the bit of your brain that tells you it's over and to stop never fires up, trapping you in that endless loop...

... Fuck and also piss.

As a death metal album it's easily one of the best. The riffs kick ass, the hooks sink in, the energy is fantastic and the vocals are lively+vibrant.

As an attempt to pay homage to Mongolian mythology... This is an absolutely gloriously terrible shitshow. An absolute embarrassment I'm gleefully enjoying every second of

'Melodic death metal about Genghis Khan, which essentially turns him into Gaston, performed with a similar cadence to Rasputin by Boney M' sure is a sentence I just used to describe a song

Sorry, kiddo 👼. I'm almost 44 👴 and I literally fought 👊😤👊 Nazis 🏳 In the street ⚠️ to protect 🚸trans kids. You don't know 🙅‍♀️ what "harmfull" feels like 😠 until you've been hit in the head ⚔ by a Nazi 🏳with a bike lock💢💥😩. I literally bled 💦 in the street ⚠️ for your gender pronouns.

Respect 🙏 your allied elders 👴.

...This is the last resort treatment, 100% effective but they don't like to use it much because it's A Lot.

5 years straight of unrelenting pain, and acute agony when passing stool (so bad I nearly tore a hole in a tshirt biting it to stop myself from screaming.) It just came to an end.

Now it's a 6 week recovery process, so that the long term wounds can heal properly.

Minor surgery... maaaaaajor emotional significance.

I had a form of anorexia derived from trauma when I was younger- still have traces of it. One of the lasting impacts of this was a series of injuries to my back passage- individually minor, cumulatively perpetual agony and located so as to be impossible to treat.

I've dealt with this pain for 5 years. For once, the story isn't one of medical neglect- they've tried me on everything...

In 2 days I have a needle put up my bum to unceremoniously fix one of the worst lingering physical legacies of my eating disorder, one that's been fucking with recovery for well over 5 years now.

One that's refused every single other treatment option and they're now using the 2nd-last-resort on (the last resort being so risky as to be basically not worth trying.)

I don't know how I currently feel about this.

Cute new jacket~

The most majestic examples of epic, symphonic and melodic death+black metal haven't been elevated most by their vocals, their orchestrals or even their riffs.

It's all in the synths.

In the best albums, they drive forward the tension and atmosphere. Minimalist piano carries an unrivalled potency. 303s give grit the likes of Bloodbath would kill for.

Synths are weird, wild and moving. Bands with enough creativity to move past the inane stigma end up ruling EVERY scene.