Femmotional @Gaynebula@girlcock.club

First draft of an article I'm writing is done! Now it's onto the editing phase 😁

I want to smash stigma against apaths (people who don't experience empathy). They're among the most marginalised people in the world and the most frequently backstabbed by neurodiversity movements. Apaths are capable of compassion and worthy of dignity- it's time we all recognised that more.

Jesus Christ. I've been off sertraline for a week on doctor's orders because of the side effects, and because he thinks given my mood improvement they've done their work.

It's so nice for sex to feel good again. The nihilism that my almost-impotence and lack of sensation had built up in me is gone and it's such a relief.

I can be passionate again, and genuinely get into it. I was so tired and so worn out, just wanted to 'get it over with' before.

https://link.medium.com/b61gukaX6X

I know I'm a worthless piece of shit but it would be fantastic if the world didn't keep reminding me of it just as I let my guard down

'Darkness is naught but a canvas void, awaiting the stroke of dawn.

Let not these bones remain as shadows, suspended on dust.
Breathe in life and outshine this soundless ruin- this failure built on the vanity of man.
Awake, oh sleeper.
Shroud yourself in light.
Awake, awake, oh sleeper.
Shroud yourself in light.'

~taken from Départe- Ashes in Bloom, the closest thing I've ever had to an anthem, and repunctuated to fit outside a song context.

... Let the bleak, barely-listenable beauty of the darkness fulfil its potential. Let Scandinavian- and Euro-centrism die.

Let, as I hope is the next step, queer bands replace Cattle Decap- and other bands'- transmisogyny.

If I may, I'd like to quote one of my favourite post-black bands, Départe, in the next post. While these lyrics clearly weren't meant for this context, they apply beautifully here. ...

... Let the earnest exploration of mental health shame the use of suicide as an edgy shock punchline into silence. Let Manuel Gagneux's fuck-you to the racist Reddit trolls that comprises the entirety of Zeal and Ardor be the lesson. Let the humanisation of grief and loss turn the stomachs of those obsessed with edgelord, tedious gore. Let a generation sick of finding out their fav bands are Nazis seek these bands out and elevate them to the stardom they deserve. ...

... creatively bankrupt wasteland of its own tedious making.

Let the heartfelt and poignant DSBM of Eudaimony, the bittersweet hope of Woods V: Grey Skies and Electric light, the creativity of Zeal and Ardor and the genre-bending clusterfuckery of Igorrr, let all this and more guide the way. Let the light these bands shed in a toxic tar-pit of a subgenre cleanse it. Let the hope, development and earnest fucking good music these bands offer alienate the shitbag edgelords. ...

The first wave of black metal dying can't happen fast enough.

Burzum, Mayhem, Emperor, all these bands and more laid the groundwork for what should've been one of the most subversive and aggressively liberatory genres of music ever to exist, instead sheltering and promoting more Nazis than perhaps any other in existence.

Kill it dead. Let bands like Zeal and Ardor shine. Let innovators and genius thrive, let the fascist oldguard die. Let the toxic masculinity rot in a...

Fuck I hate trying to get off on sertraline.

It takes FOREVER. And I lose interest partway through.

It stops being hot and starts being 'ugh, just get it over with already.'

*nebulous existential confusion and need for attention intensifies*