Bros be like “I was built for a more brutal world before civilization” and can’t use a fucking can opener

I literally had a dude tell me once that he wanted to go out like Liam Neeson in The Gray, I was like bitch you live in the suburbs

The wildest animal you’ve ever seen is a stray cat, that your elderly neighbor won’t stop feeding, named “Poops”

I don’t want my kids to grow up soft

Well, I FUCKING DO

I hope my kids don’t have to work at 15, I hope my kids don’t have to be embarrassed by their patched up hand-me-down clothes, I hope my kids are soft and gentle and learn Shakespeare and Latin and write poetry and compose music, and never have to worry about money or healthcare or peace because that…that MEANS WE FUCKING WON

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