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porn opinion 

there's so much porn where the bottom doesn't look like they're having fun, mostly straight porn, and like... why?

porn opinion 

the sub crying isn't fun, it's worrying

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porn opinion 

@aradinfinity
I recall thinking i had some kind of weird "happy sex" kink in the beforetimes, though thats partially caught up in wanting to see happy femme bottoms to definitely not at all identify with hmmmm

porn opinion 

@flout
happy sex should be the norm, not something special. everyone should want to be there, and it should be clear

it doesn't matter if ur o face looks dorky, it's better than looking constipated or afraid

porn opinion 

@aradinfinity
Dang is that the reason? I got my own pet theories about the fetishisation of sex as being overwhelming and terrifying but that kinda.. fits unpleasantly well

porn opinion 

@flout
i don't know, but it makes sense to me. ppl get super embarrassed about sex stuff, especially seeming like they enjoy it, so i have to think that's part of it

porn opinion 

@aradinfinity
dang its me, the embarassed about sex-er, it always felt like it had to be this big serious thing that mattered. "pleasureable" rather than fun. I can see how that could cycle loop into itself and we get this kind of "everything is endurance performance" stuff

porn opinion 

@flout
yeah that'd make sense. it's taken honestly a lot of work for me to internalize that hey, sex is for fun, it's not serious on its own and especially doesn't have to be if it's not fun

porn opinion 

@flout @aradinfinity oh god you too huh? an ex once asked me what kind of porn i liked and i said, i dunno, i like the kind where she looks like she's having fun, and that ex gave me the weirdest look 🤨

porn opinion 

@vyr
Like, i recall knowing it was silly to think of this as special or a kink but it felt like that because it was *so hard to find*, fuckin, gelbooru etc. had specific tags for happy_sex like cmon
@aradinfinity

porn opinion 

@flout @vyr
also there is waaaaaayyyyyyy too much downtalk in porn imho

like, if your partner's that bad, why are you with them?? it doesn't seem healthy

porn opinion 

@aradinfinity
wait like, not degradation just legit "youre bad at this"?? Wtf?
@vyr

porn opinion 

@flout @vyr
i think i've seen like, "what a loose slut" and shit, and it's honestly gotten to the point where requesting not having that sort of thing in has lost me roleplay connections

porn opinion 

@aradinfinity
ohhh that kinda stuff, right, like, i get the degradation angle but it does seem odd if you think about it from the tops perspective. I guess it's presumed to be in-scene? Plenty of people are into that but it's odd it's considered baseline?
@vyr

porn opinion 

@flout @vyr
personally, degradation in scene makes me cry, which just stops the whole thing. it toggles my self esteem issues, and suddenly i'm no longer a smooth being of mind and passion, i'm a fat girl trying to get off, and that wrecks me hard. especially especially when i'm subbing, because i only do that for people i trust, and if /they/ see me that way...

porn opinion 

@aradinfinity
yyyeeaahh i just go straight back to that mode of feeling sexually inadequate like i ruined the party and everyone hates me and i just have to hollowly slog through to the bitter conclusion when I'm allowed to stop
@vyr

porn opinion 

@flout @aradinfinity this is making me think i should add receiving degradation to my limits file sooner rather than later, because while it hasn't come up since transition, i can see the exact same thing wrecking me in a bad way

also that i probably need an actual file

porn opinion 

@vyr @flout
it's always good to have a reference for limits!

porn opinion 

@aradinfinity
the best thing i ever did for my sex life was probably start collating notes with my partners about each other's wants and limits. I'd say if degradation is a limit you can usually tell pretty quickly, too ^^; and readdjust accordingly
@vyr

porn opinion 

@flout @vyr
yeah, i only do it on special request, like choking- one of my girlfriend's aspects rly likes being choked, so i'll do that in scenes with her sometimes, but it's more because it makes her twitch and gasp than because i'm particularly into it

porn opinion 

@aradinfinity @flout i have to really trust someone and have them ask for it before i'm willing to say shit like that in ERP, online or off. didn't think about _why_ too much before now, but this is resonating 🤔

porn opinion 

@vyr
I wanted to get degraded sooo bad, i was extremely here for processing my trauma through kink. I found someone i trusted enough and we got two seconds into anything negative and i just jettisoned into space, lol, it turns out it's totally outside of my ability
@aradinfinity

porn opinion 

@flout @vyr
and even if that wasn't the case, it's just... not fun for me? that's one of the reasons i'm into petplay but not slaveplay, i'm a brat but as a pet that's not a big deal, i still get pampered and my chin scritched. whereas if i was a brat as a slave, it'd get me punished, and that might be why some people brat but it's just fun for me and feels honest

porn opinion 

@aradinfinity
Big the mood, I'm down to be hurt, slurred, made fun of, brat, all that nonsense, just as long as i feel appreciated and loved and, positive during it
@vyr

porn opinion 

@flout @vyr
i've needed aftercare as the domme doing deg lmao, like "i didn't actually hurt you did i?"

porn opinion 

@aradinfinity @flout a little bit same. reassurance that stuff is staying in the scene where it belongs. i've been lucky with partners lately, though 😌

porn opinion 

@aradinfinity
oh hell yepp ive had some se-verrre top drop (my own fault on this occasion) from doing degradation/negative/aggressive scenes aaaand i just don't do them anymore. Even in positive supportive scenes any time someone's dropping and I'm responsible for them i need putting back together afterwards because i just worry *so* much
@vyr

porn opinion 

@flout @vyr
i just want everyone to be having fun y'all, otherwise what are we even doing this for

porn opinion 

@vyr @flout
one time me and a friend (cis boy, bi) were going through some porn together and critiquing it, and my main one was "is she having a good time? is she okay?"

i don't think he rly thought of that on his own but he agreed w/ me

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