Fuck I've got such a headache. Only slept 5 hours cause I had to have a difficult conversation with my (former) crush.

Turns out she wasn't picking up what I was laying down, despite my being flirty and lewd and saying I had a crush.

The true gay girl experience is having incredibly intimate conversations and explicit conversations with someone and still being like "I don't know if she likes me."

This bit is def leaving a sour taste in my mouth, moreso than the rest of the conversation, because it's like "You think I would give this much attention and adoration to just anyone?"

Girl's out here thinking I'm just gonna princess carry, fawn over, and offer to top all of my friends? Fuck nah, only folks I deem special enough get to see me at my very best.

Do wonder if she didn't notice cause all her other buds are treating her like a princess, which, what a fucking charmed life if so.

One day I hope my stupid monkey brain will stop latching onto smol bottoms too 'pure of heart and dumb of ass' to see me as a viable romantic partner, cause it's a miserable fucking life.

Godddd I gotta stop thinking about this but like. I find it mega funny that I've talked about visiting her and doing "gayyyyyyy shit" with her and she was still like. 🤔

Def joking about going full U-Haul lesbian cause we're just normal buds. Def joking about getting you a gown and taking you to pound town cause that's precisely, 100% a thing I would say to a bud.

@IngaLovinde @julialuna @Elizabeth once a girl invited me for a weekend over at her place, took me to browse vibrators at a sex shop, told me to sleep in her bed when the party got late, then later lay down close enough to me that I could feel her breathing on my face.

I still couldn't believe she could possibly be interested in me.

("this is just how girls express friendship right")

@IngaLovinde @julialuna @Elizabeth I mean maybe some friends do, but she was very much hitting on me 🙈

@elilla @julialuna @Elizabeth that reminds me that I have a bot which solves that kind of problems and that I should make it public...

@oxytocin @elilla @julialuna @Elizabeth the problem elilla described is *literally* the reason I created this bot...

@IngaLovinde @elilla @julialuna please tell me you trained a neural network to understand flirting and it makes judgement calls based on what excerpts of text you feed it.

@Elizabeth @elilla @julialuna @oxytocin

But seriously, the idea is that people can tell the bot if they're into someone; and the bot will keep this secret, but if two people are into each other, the bot will notify them both about that.

So it's just a zero-risk way to check if your feelings are mutual, without any fear of being seen as creepy or inappropriate if the feelings are not mutual (because nobody will know about it in that case).

(plus some additional features for polyam context)

@Elizabeth @elilla @julialuna @oxytocin

Although now I think that maybe it should be somewhat more granular? Not just "into each other" which both sides may interpret in different ways, but like "want to go with you on a date" or "want to kiss you" or "want to cuddle" etc...

What do you think?

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